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Many thanks a great deal for trying. i truly feel your frustration and concern.
Understand that it is quite normal to feel overrun as well as a loss for just what doing in this example. I’d extremely comparable emotions whenever I became dating the man who’s now my better half, specially having never ever been hitched and having never ever been a parent.
I must say I struggled with racking your brains on whether it was the relationship that is right me personally.
First, I really like to acknowledge you for asking these difficult questions and for the self-awareness.
Having some understanding of your thinking, and showing on your own experience is valuable, also it’s the step 
that is first conquering any opinions that could be holding you straight back through the love life you wish.
Frequently, we get into a relationship using the most useful motives convinced that any hardships will undoubtedly be overcome because we think that“love shall overcome all.”
But love and attraction for every single other is just area of the equation.
One other part is readiness and compatibility.
In addition to love and attraction, compatibility takes under consideration whether you are able to honor your lifetime eyesight, plus your relationship needs and relationship demands, whilst in this relationship.
And relationship readiness is all about being ready and readily available for the types of relationship which you really would like, that there’sn’t such a thing inside your life (or his) that may interfere aided by the popularity of the partnership.
I’m sure it may be difficult to just take some time apart, particularly having already resided together.
We stress that the connection may not get over time aside.
But i might argue that planning to go on it sluggish, planning to think of things, is truly a good thing.
As soon as we go on it slow and reflect, we raise our understanding of what’s actually taking place for all of us and that which we wish.
So when a total result, we are generally alot more deliberate about our choices.
And when we’re a lot more deliberate about our choices, we have a tendency to make choices which can be more aligned with your long-term joy and satisfaction.
Consciousness, also you get closer to what you really want if it’s a bit painful, helps expand your view, which ultimately helps.
We published a write-up regarding the distinction between attachment and love which you might find helpful.
Fundamentally, attachment originates from a feeling of sense and fear of absence, while healthy love arises from a sense of wholeness.
We are able to become connected as soon as we count on another person, one thing away from our self, which will make us feel delighted and complete.
Healthier love actually arises from counting on our internal resources to feel pleased and complete, after which sharing for the reason that knowledge about other people.
Read the article in the distinction between attachment and love for a listing of essential concerns to inquire of you to ultimately assist you to discern whether you’re in love or attachment.
You pointed out that their ex-wife “wasn’t the person” that is best and so you “don’t wish anything related to her.”
You don’t have actually to like their ex-wife or like to keep in touch with her. You are able to choose never to associate or communicate with her.
If she’s not friendly toward you or if she does not desire such a thing to do to you either, you are able to select to not socialize together with her.
You, by virtue to be mom with this children, this woman is likely to be inside the life with him(depending on their custody arrangement) because she is responsible for co-parenting.
The fact to watch out for is with him or your relationship with his kids, like bad-mouthing you or him to the kids, or creating loyalty conflicts to where the kids feel like that have to choose between their mom and their dad, or directly harassing you or people you care about if she is truly interfering with your relationship.
And I also would state that you’d also need to give consideration to his eyesight when it comes to sorts of relationship and family members life he wishes.
All of us have actually an eyesight when it comes to type or variety of life and relationship we want.
And then i would encourage you to think about whether you want to support him in that vision if his vision is to be close to his ex’s kids and to have a family-oriented, friendly relationship with his ex-wife in which they spend a lot of family time together, likely with you included in that family time.
Then this relationship might not be a good fit for you and him because you would be at odds with each other’s life vision, and then he wouldn’t feel happy and fulfilled in that area of his life and neither would you if it’s something that is intolerable to you.
The ball is actually in your court with regards to the manner in which you wish to handle your feelings and your interactions together with her, because your reaction that is emotional is your luggage, maybe not their.
Each of us has a past.